"Health is a large word. It embraces not the body only, but the mind and spirit as well;...
and not today's pain or pleasure alone, but the whole being and outlook of a man."
~James H. West

Lisa's Blog

How to say No...

Lisa Cutforth - Monday, August 02, 2010

How to Say No and How to ask for more of What you Want


It is amazing how many of us battle to be assertive. Have you ever wanted to say no, but didn't?

Many of us struggle on a daily basis with being assertive.  It can be very stressful and get you into all sorts of uncomfortable situations.  Have you ever found yourself doing something and thought, why did I agree to this?  Would you like to be able to say no and not feel bad?  Would you like to learn some effective and non-bitchy ways to say no?  Have you ever wanted to ask for something but struggled to find the right words or felt you were unable to ask for what you need?

Tonight I had the priviledge of interviewing Carolyn Cutforth, Life Coach with Living Success and Master Coach with Beyond Success.  Carolyn has a background in teaching and has certainly mastered the art of being assertive.  She shared some really valuable tips, tools and strategies on the art of assertiveness.

What is assertiveness?

 
It's about speaking your truth in a respectful way that honours the rights of yourself and others.  It's about being able to say no and about being able to ask for what you want or need.

Carolyn shared with us the 4 R's of being Assertive:


1. Respect for yourself and others:

"Assertiveness can happen when our self respect and our respect for others in balance”

2. Rights for yourself and others

Assertiveness is based on core beliefs… that I have rights and so do other people.“Assertiveness can happen when we balance our rights with the rights of others.”

3. Responsibility:

Whose responsibility is it? "Assertiveness can happen when we balance our responsibility to ourselves with our responsibility to others."

4. Rational Thinking:

An ability to think rationally and explore your beliefs is important if you want to be able to be assertive. 
Often irrational and learned beliefs can get in the way of our ability to be assertive. 

Here are Ten common irrational beliefs, that can lead to non-assertive behaviour.  As you read through them, write your new, more rational beliefs.
  • You must prove yourself thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving, or you must at least have real competence or talent at something important. For example: I would like to be competent, but I don’t have to be.  Success does not determine my values.  My value comes from the way I think about myself.

  • You must - yes, must - have sincere love and approval almost all the time for all the people you find significant.

  • You have to view life as awful, terrible, horrible or catastrophic when things do not go the way you would like for them to go.

  • People who harm you or commit misdeeds rate as generally bad, wicked or villainous individuals, and you should severely blame, damn and punish them for their sins.

  • If something seems dangerous or fearsome, you must become terribly preoccupied and upset about it.

  • People and things should turn out better than they do, and you have to view it as awful and horrible if you do not quickly find good solutions to life’s hassles.

  • Emotional misery comes from external pressures, and you have little ability to control your feelings or rid yourself of depression and hostility.

  • You will find it easier to avoid facing many of life’s difficulties and self-responsibilities than to undertake more rewarding forms of self-discipline.

  • Your past remains all-important, and because something once strongly influenced your life it has to keep determining your feelings and behaviour today.

  • You can achieve happiness by inertia and inaction or by passively and uncommittedly “enjoying yourself”.

Where is your irrational thinking tripping you up?

Using Assertive Language:

Here are some Assertiveness statements for you to practice DAILY:

When you want to be assertive start your sentence with one of the following:

  • I feel
  • I think
  • I know
  • I believe
  • I want
  • I would like
  • I need
For example:  "I need to see the supervisor".  "This box is damaged I would like a discount".  "Thank you, however, I feel there needs to be a bigger discount."

These resources are shared with you from Beyond Success' Assertiveness Module. You can find out more about the other modules they offer by visiting Carolyn's website

If you found this information and these resources helpful, be sure to ask Carolyn about her special offer she has for you to attend the "Beyond Success Mental Toolbox".

And remember to keep practising being even more assertive!

Recent Posts


Tags

relax 7 steps to detox seasonal quick and tasty recipes soft drink and behavior problems Lisa's Diary trans fats diet diary of a nutritionist healthy cooking demonstration taking responsibility allergies the tummy beast increasing energy Happiness mood nutritious healthy fast food, healthy take away improve your memory how to get more of exercise how to avoid doing the right thing and getting the wrong results prostate cancer cooking with allergies support your body make stress work for you 10 % principle heart foundation tick explained Alan Pease fruit skipping meals love, loneliness sexy salad fresh start performance fun blood pressure calorie controlled diet recipes for allergies libido what is a good breakfast taking a break fatigue food sensitivities nutritionists diet diary anxiety reducing coffee music christmas great second hand books weight mobile phones and brain cancer, Dr Teo nutritionist in brisbane keep focused soft drink and behaviour problems delicious muscle wasting the power to choose corporate wellness go for 2 and 5 skip meals nutritious cooking pop-eye and spinach I don't get hungry is chocolate bad for me health for busy people sustainable living, rural development, organic gardening, rampumps, biogas soccer, role of team sports in longevity, role of exercise and community in longevity motivation overindulge brain health fresh should I eat organic veggies have more energy relationship with food benefits to keeping a diet diary leaky gut, gut health, symptoms of leaky gut feels good cooking class in brisbane natural toothpaste assertiveness nutritionist focus control empty your mind drugfree alternatives immune system Add new tag healthy cooking parties stress, keys to managing stress, benefits of stress have fun in the kitchen sensitivity to milk happiness workshop Egg allergy ways to improve prostate health wrong type of exercise, exercise and results fussy eaters success and you foods in season, seasonal recipes low calorie diet what is movember natural alternatives to drugs food intolerances Sensational cholesterol lowering diet obesity detox I've Got Life strength dance breakfast comfort eating are frozen veggies any good what is healthy food love food health life lessons time management and healthy living real food how to say no to know and not do is not yet to know Dr Randy Pausch on Oprah nutrition Nina Simone comfort pig sugar and add lunch sexy salads quick eating solutions healthy shopping homocysteine do i have to drink milk; where do i get calcium from; non dairy calcium sources Nutritional Therapist comfort foods fruit and vegetable shortage recipe alzheimers getting fit sugar and adhd low calorie meal plan benefits of strength training, why you should strength train gluten intolerance celebrate life life breast cancer awareness reasons to eat foods in season Cancer herbal toothpaste quick recipes food allergies Laughter and stress 7 Tips to Lower Your Cholesterol and Protect Your Heart how to avoid injury during exercise cheap fruit and vegetables, what's in season in autumn in australia healthy cooking party new year's resolutions high cholesterol diet diary muffins energy organic vegetables dancing how to be happy immune boosting tips salad addicted to chocolate weight loss maintain a healthy weight, underweight heart disease weightloss health pioneers how to check your breasts which is better for you butter or margarine benefits of sleeping ability to respond avoiding a choice gift ask my doctor is sugar bad life choices health with 10 % effort low cholesterol fun breast cancer awareness video hot guys healthy wine, healthy beer, healthy alcohol options childrens lunch boxes breast cancer prevention four questions you must ask your doctor before taking medication memory image quizz are grains healthy making time to relax health one step at a time healthy shopping list simple 7 day detox plan recipies Lactose intolerance hunger and stress dangers of multitasking while you eat indigestion how to love exercise happiness course best exercise

Archive